were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
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