I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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