I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
