what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
