a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Do you remember whose house we're in?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
