We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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