holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
