i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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