Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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