what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
it glows. i had to have it.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Randomize
