Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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