I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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