you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
