Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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