I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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