that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
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