Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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