That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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