after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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