You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
