Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
