I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize