I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Randomize
