I'm really into asian looking animals
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
