i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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