Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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