I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
