The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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