I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Randomize
