My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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