Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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