every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
