ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize