My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
