it was like eating out sand paper
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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