I CAN MOONWALK!
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
