he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I cannot find my penis.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
