my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
