Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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