this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Your shirt... Was in my pants
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
