is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
