You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I just blew my weed a kiss
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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