So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
