remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
