and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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