in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
tell me about the eggs
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
