The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
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