You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
