Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I still have a little drunk in my system
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
