so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
