At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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