A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
