My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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