can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize