if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
