I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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