I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
