So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
