In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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