how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
