Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
