no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
