Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
