That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
