Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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