That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
