Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
