God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
