forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
