im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
