playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize