Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
