Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
