god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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