DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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